First Lady


First LadyFirst Lady by Susan Elizabeth Phillips
My rating: 3 of 5 stars


*excitement excitement* new (for me) SEP book!



But wait… something’s happening – wait! What the hell are you doing? Kids?? Gah! Get them off my precious book! GET THEM OOOOOOOFF!!!!! *jumps out of the window*

*after one week in the hospital*

*cough* I’m ok, just minor injuries.

What the hell??? Why the kids my dear SEP? Why did you ruin the book??? Whyyyyyy????

In case you’re new to my awesome reviewing you must know one simple and important thing about me:



Go ahead. Ask me why!

Wh-

Why??? You dare ask me why??? I’ll tell you why! Kids are soul sucking demons! They will make you hurt, mock you, steal your food and pee on your favorite carpet! Plus they drool and stink. They pull your hair, pee on you, and vomit on your great grandma’s ashes! Vile disgusting creatures…



*end of emotional breakdown*

So yes, the main reason for my score is this. The other reasons will come after this awesome gif of molested cats!



Now what did I like about this book? *scratches chin* I liked Mat because he shared my kid hatred and he had some pretty good lines. But in the end he fell in love with them (the loser) so he’s surely not my favorite character. Lucy (surprise surprise) was actually my favorite because she f*cked everyone off. I respect that in a person. I also liked the typical awesomeness of SEP’s writing but unfortunately the story didn’t get to me. And that’s it with the likes!

Dislikes? Nealy unfortunately didn’t work for me. She was just too.. what word to use? Blah? Meh? Close enough. Her child trauma (baby killer or whatever she called herself – wtf??) was stupid and her character wasn’t defined enough. Same goes to Mat actually.

The story was too homey, jolly, patriotic and boring. Sadly… it just had a nice romantic part at the end but it still didn’t do the trick for me.

So that’s it! The neutral score for this one: three severed children heads. Muahahahahaha!!!

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